Making Peace


Sometimes achieving peace without begins within. It begins with reconciling our heart with our head, facing head on those things we might rather avoid. It means taking a personal inventory of our behaviors and choices; making amends with those we have hurt or been hurt by. It means meeting others where they are and as they are… choosing to forgive and let go from a place of love, not ego; from a place of compassion, not resentment, without an expectation of reciprocity.

In celebration of International Day of Peace, recognized on September 21st, I’m curious to know and ask…

How do you achieve peace in your own life? What role can personal accountability, forgiveness and compassion play in achieving peace with others? How can holding space for another and/or opening a dialogue from a place genuine respect, create a bridge to deeper understanding and acceptance? As you inventory you own inner life, are there areas where you need to make peace, whether with yourself or others?

Photo credit: Chris Devers

On Forgiveness and Thanksgiving

If gratitude is the wellspring of peace, love and joy, it begins with forgiveness and the willingness to let go of what’s past, to create new space for growth.

So often we hold on to the past, allowing our grievances and grudges to color our world and those people in it. If we’re not careful, we allow fear, bitterness and resentment to sneak into our lives, robbing us not only of our capacity for joy, but our ability to cultivate a spirit of gratitude and thankfulness for the many blessings in our lives.

The truth is that we all fail and fall short from time to time. And even when we feel above the fall of others, our very judgment of them makes us no better, and in fact, often worse.

As we move into this season of Thanksgiving, I think I shall adopt a new practice: Instead of simply counting my blessings, I will counter each one with a heady dose of forgiveness, too — weeding out and releasing those things I’ve been holding on to for far too long, and making peace with the gifts of my own imperfection.*

I’m curious…

What might you be holding on that is robbing you of your capacity to feel gratitude for the blessings in your life? In your experience, what is the relationship between forgiveness and gratitude? How has holding onto a grudge or grievance kept you stuck in your own life? What is the relationship between gratitude and our capacity for peace, love and joy?


*Note: The Gifts of Imperfection, by Brene Brown, is an outstanding read on the power of courage, compassion and connection to enable us to find acceptance within and live fuller lives without.



The Better Part of Valor

Croix_de_la_Valeur_Militaire_France_REVERSSometimes the better part of valor comes from saying less, not more; in letting some things rest, rather than continually unearthing and dredging up that which has already passed.

Sometimes the better part of valor comes from letting go, instead of digging in; of advancing forward, instead of allowing ourselves to remain stuck in those things we cannot change.

Sometimes the better part of valor comes from forgiveness, rather than judgment; from compassion, rather than criticism, no matter how difficult the truths revealed.

Over the course of a life time, we each will be tempered by our wounds, our losses, our heartaches; our disappointments, our grievances and our failures. In the midst of our grief, we each will be tempted, too — to say more, unearth, dredge up, dig in, remain stuck, judge and criticize.

But the sheer rawness of life and universal flaws of the human condition remind me that perhaps the better part of valor comes from remembering that mindset makes the (wo)man more than circumstances themselves, and that we each have a responsibility to pave a path forward — one filled with light, hope, love and trust; with compassion, integrity, gratitude and forgiveness; with the strength of heart and mind to overcome, courage push forward and resolve to build a better tomorrow.

I’m curious…

What does the ‘better part of valor’ mean to you?






How Do You Judge Thee?

Inspirational-QuoteAccording to Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary, judgement is defined as:  a proposition stating something believed or asserted; a formal utterance of an authoritative opinion; or the process of forming an opinion or evaluation by discerning and comparing.  Capitalize the word and it takes on the power of Divine authority.

Yes.  We judge others, just as we ‘exercise’ judgement when making choices for our own lives.

Spoken or unspoken, we discern, assess, and form opinions of others and situations, anchored to our own belief systems and experiences, often without regard for the belief systems and experiences of those we project our judgements onto.

Sometimes these ‘opinions’ are positive or perhaps even void of judgement altogether, though often enough they are not.  Consider for a moment: how many times do you associate the word ‘judgement’ with a positive sentiment?  When we ‘compliment’ another, it’s positive; when we ‘judge’, it conjures up a different feeling altogether – both for the judge and those being judged.

Judgement – whether of ourselves or others – is usually birthed from a place of fear, not love; from a place of reaction, not responsiveness; or perhaps even from a place of deep lacking within ourselves.

Whether cloaked in the disguise of well-meaning albeit unsolicited advice, idle gossip, venting, or outright confrontation, it is often easier to judge, criticize, and blame others because they do not share our ideals, values and/or interests than it is to look at our own selves and shortcomings.  Instead of respectful disagreement or simple acceptance, we judge as if we own the Truth, and yet how could we possibly assume to know what it is to walk in the shoes of others?  How could we possibly know what stories they have lived or tell themselves that shape the choices they make every day?

When we judge our own selves without mercy, holding ourselves up to impossible ideals of perfection, we not only hurt and devalue ourselves, but often project our pain on to others, too.

Perhaps there is a better way.

Perhaps there is a way to build bridges instead of walls, for judgement always isolates us from others.  Add a pinch of understanding, a heady dose of compassion and a dollop of love, and you’ve created a recipe for peace and acceptance, paving the way to authentic forgiveness, too.  Ensure there are solid boundaries in place for good measure, and our respect for our selves and others grows immeasurably.

I’m curious…

Do you struggle with judgement, and if so, what form does it take?  When you feel unfairly judged by others, how do you respond?  What role do boundaries play when we feel judged or criticized by others?  How do you differentiate between constructive criticism or coaching and judgement?  What role does compassion, understanding, love and forgiveness play in finding peace with those we both judge and are judged by?

(Photo courtesy of